The Busy Bee Has No Time For Sorrow
by pandorabox82
Summary: Since Garak left Deep Space Nine, Julian has been throwing himself into his work in an effort to keep his mind off what he is feeling.


Julian had kept himself busy ever since Garak had left for Cardassia. Whenever Major Kira had commented on his industriousness, he had shrugged it off as catching up on experiments that had taken a back burner during the war, and now that that was over, he had time to concentrate on them. Ezri, though, was harder to convince, since she could use Jadzia's memories to inform her when he was being less than truthful with her.

Which explained why she was standing in the doorway of his office, staring at him intently, when he looked up from the padd in his hands. "Hey," he said softly as he reached for his cup of raktajino, only to find it completely cold by that point. "What brings you here?"

"We were supposed to meet at Quark's forty minutes ago. Did you forget?"

"Shit." She gave him a disapproving look and he drew in a deep breath, trying deeply to keep from rolling his eyes. "I must have gotten lost in my work again."

"You know, that's been happening more and more lately. Maybe we need to get away from the station for a few weeks, and just reconnect, try to find what we had at the beginning of our relationship." He must not have been quick enough to control his mircoreaction to her suggestion, or maybe he wanted her to know what he thought of that suggestion, because she caught the narrowing of his eyes and the quick downturn of his lips before he plastered on a cheeky grin. "Or maybe you need to go to Cardassia and fuck him out of your system. I swear to the gods, Julian, you need to leave behind your sorrow over what happened and move on with your life. He's moved on with his, and nary a spare thought to you. Or am I wrong? Has he even written you once since he moved there? Or tried to contact you at all?"

Julian didn't even bother to keep his irritation in check at those barbed words, and he roughly pushed his hand through his hair as he stood and stalked over the replicator, ordering a cup of mint tea this time, wanting something to calm his suddenly raging heart. "He has obligations, Ezri. And I am not sad about his decision to do what would best help his people. I would do the same if the situation was reversed. Only, I can't really do that, now can I? Because Augments are still considered persona non grata in the Federation. Even though I'm an amazing physician, even though I've done so much for the Federation, I'm still not good enough. Even for you."

Ezri let out a little sob, and he knew that he had hurt her, far more than he had intended. But by the time he had turned to begin apologizing, she had fled the infirmary, and he was left alone with his thoughts. Sighing a little, he went back over to his chair and collapsed on it, his long fingers wrapped around the mug of tea, hoping that the remaining warmth would bleed into his suddenly freezing body. Still, this had been cathartic for him in a way, and as he stared into the pale brown liquid, he felt the first bitter tears of sorrow begin to course down his cheeks.

"This is precisely why you were keeping busy, Jules. Because if you think about him for too long, the only thing left for you is tears." Shaking his head, he took a deep drag of tea, trying to refocus on something other than the ashes of his friendship with Garak. Elim. And despite what Ezri had said, he didn't want to sleep with the Cardassian.

"Are you sure about that?"

He looked over his shoulder to see a bemused Kira standing in the doorway, giving him a knowing smile. "Kira! What brings you by?"

She walked over to where he was and took a seat on the table, her smile never leaving her lips. "We've had a request for a doctor from a nearby planet, and I know someone who has to keep themselves busy and might just want to get some space from an overbearing partner." He frowned a little at that last comment, and Kira let out a little laugh. "Really, Julian, you're the talk of Quark's! He has this absurd pool for when you finally break down and go crazy."

"Really, Kira, I would never take you to gossip," he said sardonically, rolling his eyes a little before giving her a small smile. "But since you seem to have inside information, do tell me what the odds are for my breaking up with Ezri?"

"That's already a forgone conclusion, and it's down to when, not if. Now, do you want to hear what I came to tell you, or not?"

Julian nodded, knowing that she wouldn't leave until she had had her say. "Please, do not let me keep you from your tidings of good news."

Kira rolled her eyes at his tone, her feet gently swinging as she contemplated him. The way her head cocked to one side reminded him so much of Garak, and he found his attention divided between her and his memories of the man. Snapping her fingers loudly, Kira regained his full attention, and the exasperated look on her face told him that less attention had been on her than he thought. "You're thinking of him right now, aren't you?"

He fought to keep from blushing, shaking his head a little nervously. "No, what makes you think I'm thinking of Garak?"

"I didn't even have to say his name, and yet you identified him so readily." A curious smile danced over her lips, and he wished that he was Betazoid, so that he could read her mind. "Anyway, there's currently an outbreak of disease on Cardassia. The doctor in charge tried to explain it to me, but she lost me in the technical jargon, so I can't really give you more details than that, but I do know that Garak was the one who suggested your name for help."

A warm feeling spread out across his chest, and he tried to ignore that, since it didn't really mean anything beyond the fact that he was a good doctor, and one who would be more than willing to help out a slightly disgraced Cardassia in its time of need. "When do I leave?"

That strange smile was back, and he fought the urge to mention it to Kira. "Well, there's a shuttle coming for you in the morning. Seems that Garak also assumed it was a forgone conclusion you'd be going. It's almost like you guys are still connected." Reaching out, Kira patted his shoulder before sliding off the table and sashaying out of the office.

Shaking his head a little, Julian began to look around his office, wondering what he should bring with him to the planet. One of his nurses knocked on the door, and he smiled at her as he beckoned her in. "Ah, Delena, good. I'm going to need your help…"

He still wasn't ready the next morning when his door chimed. "Enter!" he called out as he frantically stuffed clothing into his personal bag. After a few moments of silence, he called out again. "Can I help you?"

"I would have assumed that you'd be ready to go, Julian. After all, you're going to see him."

Ezri's voice caused his back to stiffen a little and he slowly stood and turned to look at her. "There are a lot of variables that I have to take into consideration, Ezri. After all, I don't know what I'll be walking into once I land on the planet. It's not like this is a pleasure cruise."

She snorted a little and shook her head. "You wouldn't go if you didn't have the hope of seeing him. I know you, Julian. Just like I know that I'll be moving on, and won't be here when you return. I just, I can't do this anymore."

Julian felt a sharp stab of sadness hit his chest as he gazed at her. "I never meant for it to end up like this, believe me. I was happy with you, after a fashion."

"I was just never Jadzia enough for you, nor Garak enough." Ezri tilted her head to one side, giving him a look full of grief that was quickly replaced by a false smile, one that told him she was trying to put on a good front, because she didn't want to lose any more self-respect than she already had. "These things often have their natural conclusion. I just wish that we had met in another lifetime."

Reaching out, she stroked his hair lightly before stepping back and giving him a small wave. He waggled his fingers in return, watching her go, before turning back to his panicked packing. His eyes came to rest on the one gift from Garak that he treasured, a collection of Vulcan poetry, and he knew that he would have to take it with him.

After packing that in his case, Julian stood and slung the bag over his shoulder, taking a deep breath as he prepared to leave his home for an as yet unknown period of time. Surprisingly, he didn't feel very sad at the thought of leaving, as if he knew that he would return, and perhaps things would be different, better. His door chimed again, and he fixed his gaze on the doorway, wondering if Kira had come to collect him.

The doors slid open and he drew in a sharp breath to see not only Kira, but Garak standing there as well. "Are you ready, Julian?"

He nodded dumbly at them, taking a step forward and clearing his throat. "I didn't realize that I would be getting a personal escort," he said as he stepped forward and squared his shoulders, staring into Garak's eyes. There was an unexpected warmth there, coloring the mirth that had always been his constant companion, and Julian reacted instinctively to that as he fell into step with the man. "So, what's the situation like on Cardassia?"

"Not good, which is why I had to do the desperate thing and bring you back home. They need someone of your skill down there, before things get any worse."

It was the closest that Garak would come to saying that _he_ needed Julian, but it was a start, and one that he was more than happy to have. After all, they would most likely be working close together as he tried to control the outbreak of illness, and that would lead to a new start for them, one that wasn't tinged with the sorrow of their lives on the station. He only had to keep busy until the time when they could be happy together once more.


End file.
